Saturday, June 25, 2005

Never Settle

In relationships, never settle.
If it feels like it's not going to work out, leave. Don't prolong the inevitable. Why convince yourself to stay in something that isn't benefiting you? Because you're scared of being alone? Well, if you're tied up with someone, how can the right one and you get together?

While you may have to kiss a lot of frogs to find the right one for you, remember that sometimes, a frog is just a frog. Some frogs even get slick and get their warts lasered off, or wear a spray painted crown. In the end, it's still not real gold.

< editor's note: the author is aware that *toads* have warts, and not frogs. >

I feel like, if no one ever settled, it would make everyone actualy have to work for their relationships. It would revolutionize the process!

Women: if we didn't settle, imagine the reforms that men would have to make to their social structure in order to treat us properly. Why is it that when a gentleman has good manners, I'm surprised? I shouldn't be. Why do I accept people who call my house knowing that I'm not the only person who lives there and say, "can I talk to banafsheh?" Not, "Hello, this is ___ is banafsheh available?" or "How are you today? I'm fine, thank you. I was wondering if banafsheh was around?" I mean, have we really gotten so bad in this society of instant gratification that we've lost basic manners? WTF?? I SHOULD NOT BE SHOCKED SPEECHLESS OR SUSPICIOUS WHEN A MAN TREATS ME HOW I DESERVE TO BE TREATED.

If you need a reminder in how you should be treated, I'll direct you to my good friend, Besu, who has made it his life's aim to ruin it for all the other chaps out there by treating a lady SO well, that thereafter she'll be thinking, "he's nice, but he's not like... BESU..."

Men: If you didn't settle, we'd have to reform our social structure to eliminate drama. I can't really say any more than that, cause I've never been on your side of the dating field... I've just seen it from the "trusted friend of the guy who's going out with a complete loserbitch" perspective. Don't settle. She would have no ammunition if you said, "you know, you have issues, and I don't want them to rule my life anymore."

SO MANY... (all but one) of the relationships I've ever had were because I settled. I was so scared of being alone that I'd manage to have a guy lined up & liking me before the current relationship had officially dissolved. I couldn't be by myself, because I didn't like myself.

I'm starting to. I'm starting to come into my own, know what I like, know what I don't like, know what I will & won't accept, what I can & cannot live with. Yesterday, on AMC, Tad Martin told JR Chandler, "Forgiveness is the ability to love someone despite their sins". When you love someone, you forgive a lot, but that doesnt mean you ignore signs.

The first boyfriend I ever had was emotionally and mentally abusive to me, and physically abusive to himself & inatimate objects. I forgave him for that for our first YEAR together. If I'd have forgiven it any longer, I'd have been dead before high school. Of course, when I broke that off, I ran to the first person who had any interest in me, and promptly made his life hell. (Sorry, Seth... I never quite got over how wrong that was)

Never settle. If you settle, you take yourself out of the equation before you solve the problem. I mean, you can love someone with your whole heart and still not be IN love with them. And that's okay. Don't let anyone make you feel guilty for that. Never settle.

Hold out for the right one. You'll know. And then, it will be the absolute best time of your life. Love is simple. WE make it complicated.


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