Tuesday, December 08, 2009

Once Upon a Time

Once upon a time there lived two people. These two people loved each other very much, went out of their way to see each other, bought each other dinner and unexpected gifts, sacrificed for each other, and were together as much as possible.

Their love was so strong, the townspeople would say, "there is a couple."

Then one day, the Fates sent Timing to test their love.

And Timing was terrible. He kept them apart, and made it so they began breaking promises and engagements with one another. The townspeople began asking, "Where is the other?" and one would respond, "they're busy, they have a lot on their plate." The townspeople would ask pointed questions, such as, "I'm sorry you're ill, what has the other done to comfort you?" and one dutifully responded, "they've been working terrible hours, but they check up on me."

Even with terrible Timing, they still defended each other.

But the Fates were not satisfied, so they brought Doubt. Finally, one turned to the other and said "why have you not come?"

The other was shocked, and must have been hurt (though I don't know) that one would ask such a question. One was not questioning their love, for one felt it still, but one had defended without knowing, and wanted to know. Doubt made one think of the times one saw the other, and Doubt made townspeople ask, "when has the other come to see you? Have they offered to help you?" One always answered, "Timing."

One always chose to remember and keep fresh the memory of the times that one and the other were together, before Timing determined to tear them apart. One always thought of the sacrifices the other had done, and kept those in one's heart against the attacks of the townspeople.

One thought, "Timing is so terrible. I will edradicate his evil plan and put us back together. Surely, Time is more powerful than Timing." So one sought out the other and asked for Time. The other said "Time is money." One said "but if it were not, what could we do?" and The other was silent.

Doubt screamed.

One kept thinking about the good times in defense against Doubt, and one day, one asked again, "where are you?" and surely the other was wounded and hurt by this for the other asked what difference it made, for one was only going to see it through one's eyes. And one was in pain, for all one had done was defend and blame timing, but want to know answers to questions there were not answers for.

But that was not all one had done.

One had held a mirror to the other and said this is not enough. One had praised the other to the townspeople, but such praise had not fallen on the other's ears. One loved the other with everything one could, but Doubt and Timing made one not able to feel the other's love back, and without Communication (who had left due to feeling neglected) one and the other forgot Time heals and forgot to invite Communication back.

One fought Doubt with Memory. One was in the other's place before, and decided to speak up so that the pain and shock would not happen to the other the way it happened to One. One admited to oneself that there is a difference between expectation and reality, and that Happiness exists where expectation and reality are close.

One began to live in their past, and want the past back.

Once upon a time there lived two people who loved each other, but then they began hurting each other, then they stopped talking to one another, then they started taking things personally, and then the hurt went inside and made a home in their heart. And Timing moved on, for Doubt had already so strong a hold Timing wasn't needed anymore.

Doubt made the other feel that one was looking for ways to trap the other in inaction so one could say "Aha! You see? This proves my point!" When one was trying to get the other to see that no game was played. No trap was set.

No trap was needed.

And so one left the other alone.

Once upon a time lived two people who loved each other very much. Do they love each other still?

We shall see.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

It's been a while

Long time no see.

I've been living my life in a fog. The fog's finally lifting, and it's a beautiful spot I've been taking residence in all this time, and I never knew.

There are people who left my life. I cared so much about these people, at the expense of self. In the end, not only did these people not see my sacrifice, or my love, but they turned to me and said some variant of "you never cared about me."

After fully digesting this slap in the face, I did what I always do. Pick up the pieces and move on. Only all the pieces I picked up stacked on the pieces I've ever picked up and started to get too heavy.

So I learned one day. Put it all down, and walk away.

It's hard, but it's so much lighter.

I almost got married. He's a great guy, but the reality is... Well, I'll keep the reality to myself.

I'm learning how to live in the moment. Ironic, no? The actress can live in the moment on stage, but not in her own personal life.

I have help. Help has taught me that I've raised myself. Even though I've been surrounded by people my whole life, no one raised me. And that's okay. I mean, it's not okay on some levels, but I mean that I'm at peace with it. It's okay. I'm okay with it. And now that I have that knowledge, it's a piece I can let go of, and move on.


That "reason, season or lifetime" stuff is true. The hard part is knowing when to let the piece you've been holding go. When you recognize why they were there, let the piece go. Be lighter.

Karma's for real. When you sit in yourself, you can't figure stuff out. When you sit in darkness, darkness comes to you. When you sit in the light, good things come to you.

My life has been filled with good things for months now. I have a job in a time where people are losing theirs left and right. That's a blessing. Thank goodness I didn't transfer when I was going to, because the teachers have no work. I'd have been at the end of that line, instead of somewhere near the beginning. I'll stay right where I am, thank you very much. I'll get my certifications while my job doesn't depend on it. Then I'll change jobs.

My theater work is going well, with me on the other side of the table. That's a blessing. My drama classes are amazing. I love the people I work with, and I'm looking forward to the teen initiative we're starting in October. That's a blessing.

We started a "sunday school" with some kids in a neighborhood in Greenbelt. Blessing. It's not religious, but it gives them some crafts, and some lessons in kindness and other virtues. =)

I bought a house! I know the planets had to align to make it possible, but, Thank You, God. =) That's a blessing.

I am learning to love myself. THAT is hard work, but it's such a blessing. I've got so much love to give, and I've been so wrong in how I give it.

Everything is going so well! =)

I'm surrounded by blessings. Even the people in my life are blessings, Beatty & Jevan are the best in my life right now. Kelly's practically my best friend. Eric makes me laugh when I need it. I found my family.


Wednesday, January 14, 2009

It's true what they say.

If you love something, let it go.