Saturday, February 25, 2006


So one of the Karate guys comes in (the one who wants to "be friends- respecting all boundaries, of course") and yells at me for being MIA.

I reply "I'm glad, I don't want to be here"

He hits me with "I thought you loved being here"



I hit back with "well, I used to!"

Yeah, I used to. Before people started hitting on me & stuff.

You know, I don't mind being hit on. I think sone lines are funny. You can use any line, as long as you don't take yourself too seriously. But it's when people look at me with hunger in their eyes that makes me think "there is no way I'm going *anywhere* with you". I can't describe what I mean by "hunger" at the moment.

It just is.


Besu was mad at me one day for being "the girl who complains" as in "I hate it when pretty girls complain about guys liking them." It's not about guys liking us, though... it's about the KIND of guy that likes us, or the WAY they like us, or how they choose to SHOW they like us. I'm all for nice guys liking me. Sure. But perverts and guys who just want to "tap dat ass"... not a fan.

And guys who read the blog just so say "so, you've got guys trying to 'tap dat ass?'" UGH they irritate me! CM used to do that. I'd blog that I'm sick of guys trying to marry me or get me into a relationship and he'd im me with "so, guys are trying to get you in a relationship?" YES, dingbat. YOU were one of them!


Speaking of marriage,

I've officially reached the conclusion it's not happening for me. How & why did I reach this conclusion? You wouldnt understand. It's because I've been asked too many times. The last time I was asked, last monday, it was a joke, but still. I think I'm over getting married.



So, the plan is coming together.
I knew I'd teach after I graduated, and I knew I wanted to teach in other countries.
I didn't know how, and now, I do.

*Yay* =D

In other news, I'm sitting at work today and Lance walks by and gives the biggest raspberry I've ever heard. Then when I start laughing, he says "I miss you, damnit!"

That made me stop for a split second. Thursday night, he said almost the same thing. He asked me why I'm not in this performance. Instead of telling him "because I don't want to have a blessed thing to do with the company," or "because I just can't right now" I just took it, and let him tell me how he missed me onstage. So when he hit me with that today, it's kinda like "banaf5h3h, you're supposed to be here with us. Why aren't you?"

Because I've got bigger things to do with my life.
That's why.

It was still nice, though. Somewhere, in someone's life, I've made an impact. And that always feels good.


Monday, February 20, 2006

Undiscovered Geniuses

Undiscovered Geniuses

This is for the undiscovered geniuses,
(Or is it geniui? I never knew…)
Who write and paint and chisel in their bedrooms
Known forever by the last name, “Who??”

I know you’re out there, I know you’re in there.
Dancing with your hopes and fears, instead of chasing zeroes.

They never had a hit song on the airwaves,
They never broke out from the local scene,
They didn’t paste their walls with famous faces,
And they preferred the windows to the TV screen.

I know you’re out there, I know you’re in there.
Common knowledge doesn’t know the jewels below.

You always have a friend, and maybe several,
You look them in the eye and touch their hands,
You listen more than talking…
And always dream of seeing foreign lands.

I know you’re out there, I know you’re in there.
Share your gift with someone who will show theirs to you.

The beautiful don’t jump before the cameras.
The wisest women hardly ever speak.
Every time we’re sent a perfect teacher,
We miss them, as we overlook the meek.

I know you’re out there, I know you’re in there.
Harmonizing heart and hand, making mirrors from sand.

So this is for the folks who know they’re precious,
But no more precious than the dustbin man.
I kiss you on your cheek, not on a poster,
Because genius wants a lover, not a fan.

I know you’re out there, I know you’re in there.
Cover stories can’t uncover the true lover.


Thursday, February 16, 2006


TheBesu has got to be the most clever person I know.
Before I get into that, I'll share something I made for him.
I've written his epitaph for his tombstone when he dies.

"Here Lies Besu
Now The Ladies Will Just Have To Settle For You"

And now for something completely different:

So we're in the car, listening to Avenue Q (which is practically all I listen to these days, although I did switch to Big River (sacrelige!) just to hear something different today) and it gets to the part where Nicky's homeless and asks Princeton for change... alright, for those of you who don't know:

Help the homeless!
Help the homeless!
Ooh! Hey Princeton!

Give me a quarter!
Here in my hat!
Come on, Princeton!
It’s as easy as that!
Helping others brings you
Closer to God.
So give me a quarter...

I don’t have any change.


Give me a dollar.

That’s not what I meant.

Give me a five.

Are you kidding?

The more you give.
The more you get.
That’s being alive!
All I’m asking you
Is to do what
Jesus Christ would do.
He’d give me a quarter,
Why don’t you?

And because I'm vice-president of OverAnalyzing Not-So Anonymous (there has GOT to be someone out there who over-analyzes more than me. Anyone? Shit...) I stopped the cd in the car & said "Hang on, that's not what Jesus Christ would do. According to the Bible, he cured the blind man who was begging. So, if you're begging, Jesus would fix the source of your problem, not pay you off. The guy was blind, Jesus made him see so he didn't have to beg anymore [ edit: He also kinda took away his prime moneymaking feature so the chap didn't have a choice. /end edit ]... ANYWAYS the point is, Jesus would have given the kid a job, not a quarter. To which TheBesu replies:

"yeah, He'd have given him a job. 'In fact, I've got an opening right now; there were twelve positions, but one of them didn't work out.'"

It's not a complete quote, but that's the gist of it, and I about died when he said that. That boy has got to be the wittiest, cleverest friend I've got.

God bless 'im.

the art of conversation

so that guy i mentioned before is cool.

i wrote him a haiku about how i noticed i hadn't sent him an email in a while.
he writes me back in haiku about trying to see how long we could go before we went crazy
i wrote him back in haiku something to the effect of "you're on"
he wrote me back in haiku something 4 stanzas deep about his car & the upcoming three-day weekend.

Smart Bastard. See, before it was one stanza haikus. Once I say "you're on," now he's got to break out with the entire emails in haiku. So I did what anyone would do.

Called him an overachiever. In haiku. And proceeded to write more stanzas in my email than he wrote in his. 'Cause that's what we do in the fourth grade.

Ever meet someone who is smarter than you are, and have it irritate you because then you have to step up your game? That's where I am with this guy. I enjoyed the privilege of being the smartest person in my social network (at work, I wouldn't dare claim that in my personal life), and then I meet and email this guy, who steps it up justenough that my first reaction is "that little f***er," which is immediately followed up with "now how am I going to top this?"

It's good. I haven't been this mentally stimulated since...


Well, damn.

Anyways, so ever since, all of our emails have been in Haiku. Surprisingly, the more I write them, the less I need to count the syllables (though I do anyway, just for confirmation). There's a distinct flow with haiku. And I also enjoy it because it's poetry. I get to excercise my writing muscle in a completely different fashion.

Poetry: the economy of speech.

We came up with that in Poetry class, and I've loved that sentence ever since.

So this guy is really keeping my brain ticking. Good. Next post, "in other news, your most recent TheBesu update!"

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Happy Valentine's Day

Every day is the 14th!

Today was great. It's my first Valentine's day as a Single since puberty.

I had lunch with a friend, and during lunch, cuteguy who moved away (I really need to make a name for him) called me & wished me a happy Valentine's day.

That made my day. I was already having a good lunch since my cheeseburger & fries were on point, but damn. That really threw it into the stratosphere. I mean, here's this guy, who is at work, who doesn't owe me a thing, and he calls me during his lunch break to wish me a Happy Valentine's Day. I felt SO special! He was the only person to call me. So he gets credit.

I need to name him. I'll think of something.


Thursday, February 09, 2006

and then he didnt even grade it

so i worked like shit on that paper for BritLit and he doesnt even grade them. Which is a good thing, a really cool thing, because it gives you a chance to see how a particular prof views your work & ideas without being penalized.

Only I asked him, "okay, but if you *had* graded my paper, what would it be?"

he said an A.

can't that count for me? then he said he looked forwards to reading my essays.

ooh, next time, story of the Comm390PaperNazi!


the quote of the day

comes from mom.

she's on the phone and talking to a friend who is going to a birthday party i'm attending. I asked mom to ask her (while she was on the phone) if she was going to said party, and she said yes, so mom said, "good, so she'll have someone to talk to there. not too many people (implying one person) like banaf5h3h."

then mom made a point of saying that i was invited by the party whose birthday it was himself, and not by his significant other. To which the person on the other end of the line responded "that's because banafsheh's a threat".


I don't need your man. What part of happily single aren't people getting? I NEED to be single right now. I've been a serial dater since I hit puberty. I NEED THIS "ME TIME." And damn if I'm not liking it, either.

But the bigger point I guess is, why would I want a man that would never want me?
I'm not sick as all that, tenjewberrymuds.

and if you want to keep your man, you might want to start acting like you like his choice of restaurants once in a while, so he won't have to start making excuses when i raise my eyebrow after he told me you planned out the entire valentine's day thing thus allowing him no romantic creativiy, further allowing him no margin for error on what you planned a nice evenning should be. Well, he just told me the part about you planning the evening. The rest was written on his face, which he tried to clean up with excuses I said it wasn't my business to hear. I mean, it's always nice to plan something for your significant other, but the way it came across was less romance and more ultimatum

Really, I salute you. You exemplify what it is to "train a man". Bravo.

< expletive >

did i write that? I meant to write "insecure."

who am i kidding?

b, tired of people trying to make her feel like she's angelina jolie or something

ps, i had some quality aol instant messenger time with the ex boyfriend who drove me to being single. He's good. As in doing well. He actually listened to me & saw shows on Broadway. He notes the difference & gave me credit for actually knowing some shit about theater. whouldvethunkit.

Monday, February 06, 2006

the quote of the day

last night, sunday, i was in a conversation with someone explaining (yet again) why I don't do theater anymore, and I basically boiled it down to:

"I was so many things to other people that I was nothing to myself"

Which he made me repeat, and then said it was poetic.

It was nice to be paid a compliment.

Saturday, February 04, 2006

are those needles hypodermic?

I had my first accupunture experience today.
The weird part is, they do this test at the beginning... you stick a finger at a time into this machine, kinda like getting fingerprinted (for those who have ever had the luxury). It examines your chi & draws a map of it.

The doctor took one look at my chi diagram & asked me if I'd had a head injury.
Was it on the right side?


Cool. So then he did the accupunture thing & some electrical current stuff.
I'll be on this bitter herbal tea for a while, but he says I've got some stuff that I'm not going to post on the web. You'll just have to ask me.

Then we went to Tower Records, where I proceeded to forget the reason why I was there so I left & went next door to Ross where I caught up with Mom & bought Short Circuit on DVD for 10$.

I'm going to NEBY next friday, if I haven't mentioned it already, and I got some stuff to make a display. I'm freaked. I'm revealling my new website there. I've got the business cards & everything now.

banaf5h3h is doing good, I think.

Now I wish my mother was.


Thursday, February 02, 2006

whose bright idea

was it for me to take two writing intensive/reading intensive courses at the same time?

oh, mine, you say?