Thursday, April 20, 2006

adventures in xray land

the drs office sent me straight to the xray place
saying they'd fax the permission info
they did
xray: we never got it
b: can you fax it again?
dr: okay
xray: we never got it. oh, snap, the fax is broke
xray: send it here instead (new #)
dr: okay
xray: we never got it
b: call the dr again
dr: we're at lunch until 2

Sunday, April 16, 2006

the weird thing and the interesting thing

I had a convo with OhioH about dads... we compared notes and I dunno... I told him about how I used to feel about my dad... and how we both pretty much leave well enough alone...

and then today,

the man calls me. His birthday's tomorrow. He wants me to come over with his pals, and watch his pictures of his trip to Egypt to see the eclipse on his HDTV.

But that happened after the interesting thing.

the interesting thing was when i was in the car with MSI, and OhioH came up because she saw his myspace picture & thought he was cute, and when I told her that he's not clingy and he's independent and we don't talk that much, and I told her the contrast between him and his roommate (who I talk to on a regular basis) that she hit me with "that's good!"

i was like what?

"that's good, you need that."

and i stepped back and realized that she's right. I do need that. That someone who gives me my space, and isnt everywhere all the time, keeping me from what needs to get done, crying to me about their problems and stuff. That said, don't be too distant, but still... she's right. And i look around and there are two people who lean on me too much. the others are balanced, but still... i still have those two, so maybe it's pulling me out of my habit to be attracted to unhealthy relationships.

normally, it's "themthemthemthemthemthemthemthem" and i find myself putting my life aside for them. not doing work, or not writing a paper, because i'll put their needs above my own.

But because I'm used to that, I'm not sure how to handle distant people.
But whatever. It all turns out alright in the end, right?


Tuesday, April 11, 2006

tuesday on the campus with besu

so today, besu and i are walking to the union, and i'm feeding him pieces of a huge rice krispie treat when it hits me,
"you know, for someone who doesn't want kids, I'm damn maternal"
"you sure are. and for someone who actually does want kids, i can't stand the little bastards"

so it's funny... everything I did today at the union with him, i realized i was being motherly. the whole day long... even when they passed around kids school fundraiser stuff, and i bought a bucket of cookie dough so I could make OhioH cookies when I get there.


anyways... so then we're at the library, getting a print card when I realized that besu had earlier, when I mentioned i missed getting flowers, picked several blossoms off the tree and handed them to me when he saw me... so now i'm walking around campus with a slowly deteriorating bouquet of pastel blossoms having all these girls hate on me, and it hits me, so I say,

"you know, you're making it hard for all the other guys"
"that's the plan. Well, if it makes you feel any better, you're making it hard for all the other girls."
"not really."

OhioH called again.
I get butterflies when he does that.
Is that bad?

But then he oberved that I'm usually with friends when he calls. I have friends? I HAVE FRIENDS!!


Monday, April 10, 2006

there went the bride

so i got an email today from a friend of mine at work who is getting married. As in her boyfriend keeps proposing, she keeps tuning him down, and yet we keep going to the bridal shop during her break to look at dresses.

Anyways, this email was a picture of a dress from Maggie Sottero that she was considering, and she sent it to two or three people for feedback. I don't like the dress at all... at least, it's nice on the model but I don't think it would flatter her... but instead of telling her just that, I'm looking at the site to see if there's anything else I like that I can suggest to her in its place, or at least for further consideration.

So here I am, sifting through all these dresses I'm not impressed with when it hits me:

I'm never getting married. I don't think I'm girly enough.

Aside from that, I'm sick of it coming up in conversation. From avoiding one suitor COMPLETELY... to wondering if i'll ever be able to have a male plutonic friend again...

in other news, I talked to the exbestfriend last night. turns out he's going out with the other exbestfriend, and we had a lovely conversation; the first in months. Unfortunately, I can never speak to him again, since the reason she and i broke up was because she thought i was trying to steal all her crushes. meanwhile, i'm going through not being able to like him because they went out, and i didnt want to be called a manstealer again, so no matter how many times we liked each other, i never let us actually go out (my loss, he's great, but things turn out the way they should because:) and now it turns out they're dating again. So I'm glad I held off, but the problem is, now that he and i can have the strictly plutonic relationship I crave with him because he's dating her, I can't talk to him again BECAUSE he's dating her, and I don't want her to have the impression I'm stepping in on her man, since he and I haven't spoken much since January except for the one night in February when I made him birthday dinner and cake.

why is life so complicated? I'm tired of being so frigging considerate of other people's emotions. Why can't I just talk to my old best friend again without having the fear of it being misconstrued as something else?

Why can't I write that I like someone without getting an email about it?
Speaking of that... let's do the irritated part first. It irritates me that someone in my life feels like they have the right to know my business. If I offer something, fine, but where the hell do you get off saying you think you have the right to ask me questions because you like me? because you feel like you've invested some emotion in me that justifies you demanding to know aspects of my life, like why i like someone or what they've got that you don't. what the fuck is that? that's horseshit!

i appreciate what you've done for me, but that isn't a prerequesite for liking you. i'm not obligated to like you because you helped me get something off the ground... true, that happens with partners, but this isn't figureskating. I'm just so very angry about that whole thing. Its like there's a condition for the friendship. BUT, when I call the person out on the many things he's said, the first thing he does is retract it all, not realizing that in some retractions, he further incriminates himself.

I just want him to leave me alone. Period. Only, I have to work with him... but that might not be a problem since...


the second part of the "why can't i like someone" is well... why can't i like someone?

I think I'm deluding myself. I thought this person liked me as in "hey, you're cool" and i liked them back in the same way, but then I don't know. I think I'm the only one in the friendship at this point. Maybe it just needs some face time. Too early to tell.


Tuesday, April 04, 2006

personality traits according to

Your #1 Match: ENTJ

The Executive

You are a natural leader - with confidence and strength that inspires others.
Driven to succeed, you are always looking for ways to gain, power, knowledge, and expertise.
Sometimes you aren't the most considerate person, especially to those who are a bit slow.
You are not easily intimidated - and you have a commanding, awe-inspiring presence.

You would make a great CEO, entrepreneur, or consultant.

Your #2 Match: INTJ

The Scientist

You have a head for ideas - and you are good at improving systems.
Logical and strategic, you prefer for everything in your life to be organized.
You tend to be a bit skeptical. You're both critical of yourself and of others.
Independent and stubborn, you tend to only befriend those who are a lot like you.

You would make an excellent scientist, engineer, or programmer.

Your #3 Match: ENFJ

The Giver

You strive to maintain harmony in relationships, and usually succeed.
Articulate and enthusiastic, you are good at making personal connections.
Sometimes you idealize relationships too much - and end up being let down.
You find the most energy and comfort in social situations ... where you shine.

You would make a good writer, human resources director, or psychologist.

Your #4 Match: INFJ

The Protector

You live your life with integrity, originality, vision, and creativity.
Independent and stubborn, you rarely stray from your vision - no matter what it is.
You are an excellent listener, with almost infinite patience.
You have complex, deep feelings, and you take great care to express them.

You would make a great photographer, alternative medicine guru, or teacher.

Your #5 Match: ENTP

The Visionary

You are charming, outgoing, friendly. You make a good first impression.
You possess good negotiating skills and can convince anyone of anything.
Happy to be the center of attention, you love to tell stories and show off.
You're very clever, but not disciplined enough to do well in structured environments.

You would make a great entrpreneur, marketing executive, or actor.

Sunday, April 02, 2006

quotes of last night

most insightful: "floetry is what you get if you split Jill Scot"

most fish-out-of-water at just the right time: "is good to learn foreign languages"

most repeated and least relevant to the event: "go to"

thanks to everyone who came out last night...
thanks to all the jokes & performers
thanks to everyone who promoted my website ( even though the event was for dayspring bahai school (