Tuesday, June 21, 2011

He's everywhere! or, Why I was having a really bad, no good terrible awful day the other day.

I laugh at the Universe, because the Universe laughs at me.

My future husband mentors in a program designed for underpriviledged youth to build skills in business and other areas they will need or could potentially need in life. That's a really watered down description of the work that the mentors do and the program does, and I certainly don't want to downplay or belittle their efforts, hard work, and process, but that's not the point.

The point is, the mentoring program had a closing session, and afterwards, the mentors, including my future husband, decided to go out together for a post-mentorship celebration. At the happy hour, my future husband tells the director that he doesn't think he'll be returning, because he's moving (to my city) when he gets married, and he's not sure about the commute.

This, pricks the ear of one of his fellow mentors, who mentions that they grew up in my city. So the conversation follows some close pattern:

My Future Husband: I might not be back next year. I'm moving out to Blah, and I'm not sure about the commute.
Co-Mentor: Really? I grew up there.
MFH: Really, yeah, my future wife did too, she went to This High School.
CM: Really? I graduated from there! What year did she graduate?
MFH: (This) Year
CM: That's the year I graduated...
MFH: Really? Do you know her? Her name is ____.
CM: Wow.

So my future husband, happy to meet a mutual friend of mine, takes a picture and forwards it to me.

It's my ex boyfriend. The musician.

This would not have been an issue, except for the day I had prior to that, not 2 hours before.

::Two hours before::

My father called me to tell me something was troubling him from a conversation he'd had with my mother. I invited him over, where he listed information that he'd been presented with by her. These bits of information were half-truths, mis-directions, and outright lies. I listened to my father, sorted through the muck of mud that was slung on my relationship and impending marriage, distinguished where she'd half-truthed and added the missing pieces, put somethings in their proper context, and shone the light on all the rest of the things said in the dark.

This is my Mother. The woman who gave birth to me and raised me.

Then, my Father makes peace with all the abandonment he put me through when I was a child. We made peace. I told him, you know, I own my own home, I'm getting married, I made it to 30 without premarital sex, babies, STDs, or a drug addiction, I think I made it out okay. We're stronger now.

Then, he dropped a bomb on me. He told me that there was a custody battle for me when my parents were divorcing. As such, a psych evaluation was done, and my mother came back borderline unstable. That blew me away. You mean, you KNEW, that the person who raised me was borderline unstable and you LEFT ME?

I'm over it, now, but I was a wreck at the time, and seeing the picture of my ex just added another level of emotions I wasn't prepared to handle, and I didn't do too well.

I'm definetly okay now, thanks to prayer and good company.

And a heck of a man I can't wait to marry.


Thursday, June 09, 2011

I am a rock. I am an island.

I am not completely emotionally okay.

Saturday, January 01, 2011

blah blah blah

It's January 1.
The start of the year according to the Gregorian Calendar.

Not mine.

Make your own resolutions, you're just going to break them. Why not make yourself this single promise instead: To live life. Your life, and not anyone else's.

Don't promise yourself you'll join a gym you won't go to, don't promise yourself you'll save money you haven't got.

Promise to live your life. That way, when you reflect on what life you want to have, you'll reconsider the extra-fudge brownie, for two reasons: you'll have saved twice over. Once for the $2.75 that could have gone to gas money or groceries, and twice for the 275 calories you didn't eat.

I've been trying to make an active lifestyle change. Not for the new year, not even for my upcoming wedding, but for me. For the fact that I want to live properly. I want to be healthy, and that's not coming from a gym membership. That's coming from the little choices I make that will inevitably make differences in the long term in my life.