How do I start this?
I consider dating process of elimination. You meet people with the objective to determine wether or not you can live your lives together. Sometimes people ignore the obvious and keep trying to change themselves to match someone they want to be with, which never works, or the opposite and try to change the other person becasue they like two traits but can't stand the rest, or they see the warning lights when it's too soon to tell & stop anything before it even chances to exist. I've tried them. Neither are the answer.
I guess it all comes down to the one line everyone says but no one really tries, "just be yourself". It used to be hard for me to do that, because my response would be, "but what if he doesn't like who I am?"
That's such an insecure answer! I don't think like that anymore... As a result of that, I've found I have no time for doublespeak anymore. Guys who say what they think you want to hear, to get out of a situation they feel uncomfortable in.
Here's an example:
Recently, I had a guy tell me, "you'll make someone a great girlfriend one day."
I had to walk away from that, because...
1. I already know I'll make someone a great girlfriend. Further, I know I'll make someone a great wife, so there was really no point in stating the obvious.
2. Unless the next words out of his mouth were, "it sucks that I have to leave so soon after meeting you. We should keep in touch, maybe something might happen some day" I really didn't want to hear the end of the sentence. Although there was no end of the sentence. That was it. I mean... what the heck was the point of that?
3. It sounded like such a "well, it's been fun" and the trip wasn't even completely over yet. People normally wait until they're never going to see the person again before they say stuff like that. The rest of the trip felt so awkward after he said that.
4. Was he saying what he thought I wanted to hear? I hate that. I learned early, never say what you think the other person wants to hear, because chances are, you'll either confuse them, piss them off, or make them like you more, which will only hurt them in the long run and that's completely unproductive.
5. WTF? Who says that? The day before he'd told me, "I like you, and I don't care who knows" so... WTF?? See #4. Completely confused.
Really, I think I was just the lesser of the evils for him. Maybe he liked me better than he liked the other girls by default, and the futher we got from them, the more he came to his senses.
I still think he's cute (he has really powerful eyes), and I think we could have a strong friendship. I also think I knocked any chance of that when I emailed him that I didn't want to like someone who wasn't going to like me back (geez, that sounds so... middle school). Seriously though, what's the point in being the only one in a relationship? And by relationship I mean any of the different kinds, romantic, plutonic, familial... What's the point in being the only one in it? I liked a guy once, really really really liked him, and he said things he must have thought I wanted to hear and I believed him until finally, with the help of Trusty Best Friend, I realized that I was the only one in the relationship and that the guy didn't really like me how I deserved to be liked.
And that feeling SUCKS.
So I did the only thing I thought I could do. I prematurely stopped any possibility of developing feelings for this guy. I think I could have been more tactful, sure, but he'll never talk to me again, so... I guess I don't have to worry about it.