how they get you

Okay. I'm not seeing anyone right now, and it's by choice.
I need a break from nasty little headgames, and adolescent tirades.
And I'm sick of people whose actions don't match their words.

Thing is, I'm terrified of people whose actions DO match their words.
ESPECIALLY when I don't reciprocate the feelings.

Today, I got snared into a date. I think. I'm not even sure yet.

He asks, "What are you doing Friday night?"
Why didn't I see that coming? It's the perfect trap. If she says "nothing", you follow it up with a proposition. WHY DID I NOT SEE THIS COMING???

I take a long time to ponder this question, and to actually (God, I'm dumb) mentally sift through my calendar & see if I'm free. I answer truthfully [does anyone even do that anymore?? Why didn't I lie?]
"nothing, why?" Honest to God, I thought he was gonna say, "because we're having a party, wanna come?"

He asks me to dinner.

I flub something about having to check my calendar for sure, and realize that I just gave a MAYBE to a definite NO. I really have to learn how to just say no. I'm far too passive-agressive. It gets me in trouble. Don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with the guy, but he's 20... I mean, he can't even technically get into clubs, and 4 years younger is just impossible for the girl who can't even imagine going out with someone 4 MONTHS younger. It's nothing against the guy, I mean it's not his fault he's only 20, but there's no way...

Meanwhile, I'm attempting to suppress my inner gold-digger, who sees nothing wrong with a free meal.

*sigh*