Sunday, August 28, 2005

Lies, Murderball, TBF and ParkPoliceMan

Friday: I lied.
The guard that kinda looks like an overgrown Leprachaun (cute, in a funky way) asked me out and I told him I had a BF. He took it well, and I felt super guilty, but at the same time, i didn't. I mean, saying I have a BF is a quick out, and it can always change later, so it's not bad, but I don't have an answer that says "I don't date co-workers" besides to say that out loud, but I dont want to be rude because then they think you're uppity, and then they won't help me anymore. Anyways, I talked to SciFiGuy and he called me out on my lie. I didn't feel guilty till he called me out. Quote: "You Lied. You don't have a boyfriend. You Lied." So I feel guilty about telling the Leprachaun that, only I dont know how to fix it now. Do I tell him the truth? I dont think so. I think one day, I'll just say "it feels good to be single" and he'll get it. only then he might ask me out again...


I just want contacts. Right now, all I want to do is develop my friend base. Can I do that?

Saw Murderball.

It's been two months since TBF and I hung out, and we still haven't really hung out. It's okay. I'm just suffering from TBF withdrawal, that's all.
Anyways, that was friday night. Next up for TBF and I is to see Baxter.
I'm kind of scared to see that movie... cause it pretty much sums up my fear of what would happen if B---- came back into my life. Maybe I'll buck up & see if this movie has any tips for me.

Murderball cemented my desire to reinstate the DC area murderball team.
I'll get to work on that when my schedule gets into it's rhythm.

In other news, ParkPoliceMan and I talked on Saturday. I updated him with all the catcall stories, and he said (I'm skipping a lot) I needed to work on my internal confidence. He said when I get the internal confidence, that's when guys who are trying to get with me will trip before they ask me out, and say something to the effect of "i need to have my sh** straight before I ask this girl out"

That's what I want. I want a man who has got his sh** straight. It's funny, because I told TBF that on friday, that I wanted a guy who had his act together. I guess that that isnt quite fair, since I don't have my act together 100%, but I'm working on it.

What peeves me the most is the guy that gets my attention, promises me alot, fills my head with dreams, gets me to believe him, and then can't back any of it up. No. I take that back. That's a secondary peeve. The primary peeve is a man with no ambition.

That's a waste. You need to have a dream. A dream that I can believe in and help you achieve. But I will not be your motivation. If just wanting to be with me isnt motivation enough to get your act together, don't come around. Don't fill my head with empty promises, cause in the end, you're just like everyone else.

I want that guy, who thinks, "I have to have my sh** together before I can approach her".

That's what I want. 'Cause I'm working on my sh**. You need to be working on yours.


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