This is something that I've held in for almost three days now... It was one of those "pick your battles" things... and, well, I just can't let it go...
Okay, so I was talking to a friend of mine recently, and the subject of Strip Clubs (ie, men going to them after they're married) came up. I gave my standard answer: If my significant other feels the need to go to a strip club, then I'm either somehow not doing my job, or somethings wrong in the relationship department.
He responded with "that's so insecure! so long as he comes home to you, what difference does it make?"
A BIG difference.
When a dude is single, I can understand going to the nudie bar. I still don't like it on a physical vs spiritual priority level, but I can better understand that as when a guy has a girlfriend or is married. At that point, it becomes a respect issue.
He responded with "a man is always going to look".
WHAT KIND OF BULLSHIT EXCUSE IS THAT?!
That really made me mad because it's the equivalent of saying "boys will be boys" which basically means, "let men do what they want, they're never going to change", which is JUST WRONG.
I *understand* that men notice women, the same way women notice men. If *anyone* thinks that just because you're married, that you magically don't appreciate a fine specimen of the opposite sex, they've got another thing coming. I'm not going to magically think that Morris Chestnut isn't hot anymore just cause I'm married. But I'm not going to a strip club to have some guy shake his MagicStick in my face just because of it, either.
There's a difference between *happening* upon someone who is attractive, and *deliberately* going to a place that provides ONE form of entertainment. And *THEN* he had the *NERVE* to say "well, when we go I end up bored anyways"
WTF?! Why are you going then, if it's so all-important, yet such a drag and waste of time and money?
I could understand if it was a party at an ex-girlfriend's house and I got antsy about that and then he called me insecure (he'd better never say that to my face...)and said "remember, i'm coming home to you"; that's justified. 'Cause by then, I'll be his wife and she'll have no chance anyways. Well, she'd better not have a chance...
But this is not the same thing. You're not going to an ex-girlfriend's house for whatever reason, you're going to a topless/nudie bar. It's the purpose of the visit that matters. You're going to *pay money* to have *someone who is not* your wife or girlfriend do God knows what in front of your face.
There is a difference when:
He has a professional relationship with an ex: they went out, but now she's a costumer, and he's a lighting designer, and they're working on the same show. I may not like that he has to go over her house to discuss something, and i might be insecure about that, but that is an example of a time when it would be okay to say "honey, i love YOU. I'm coming home to YOU".
"hey honey i'm going to look at other women dance slowly in front of me, in various stages of undress. Be home by 3 am."
I don't care how long you've been married. That is *not* okay.
He may as well come out and say "honey, you just don't do it for me."
It's the *purpose behind the visit* that bothers me.
So, yes, I have issues with my future whoever saying "I'm going for a night out with the boys" and ending up at one of those establishments. Yes. It bothers me. No, I'm not insecure about it. What is it that you can find there that you can't find at home? If you have an answer to that question, you shouldnt have married me, and if you don't have an answer to that question, there's no need for you to go.
b, who is all fired up now and has lost complete faith in men's ability to control themselves.
ps, that does not apply to TBF and Poppy, whom I quizzed and both said that I am not insecure and that it is indeed a respect issue. And for the record, TBF and Poppy are two very secure males.
[ edited to add: What about the whole "forsaking all others" part in the euro-traditional christian wedding? How can you forsake the others when you pay money to see them naked? /end edit ]