Tuesday, August 16, 2005

gloworm, or, I thought the first rule of Fight Club was...

Datefinder: yes, you glow
me: you havent even seen me
me: how do you know i glow
Datefinder: I've seen it
me: oh?
Datefinder: altho I've only seen you at neby and green acre, where everyone tends to glow
me: right, so that really doesnt count
me: besides, how do i glow then
Datefinder: I need to see you not glow
Datefinder: for comparison
Datefinder: :P
me: har
me: okay so define glow
Datefinder: eh? do you not know, or just want my own defintion?
me: your def
Datefinder: "walking on air"
Datefinder: always smiling
Datefinder: someone you can just tell is thinking of something else
Datefinder: something happy
Datefinder: So what if he's the first thing on my mind when I wake up in the morning and the last thing I think of when I go to bed at night
me: ooh, throwing a quote in my face
Datefinder: I can read the glow from here
me: < rolls eyes >
Datefinder: haha
Datefinder: I'm not totally incompetent
me: i dont mean to imply you are
me: i just dont see the glow is all
Datefinder: the glower rarely does
me: okay if i'm such a glower, how come i havent been nicer to you?
me: how come i'm not all "life is wonderful"?
Datefinder: because your brain and you heart are going in diff directions
me: okay, dr. phil., your turn
Datefinder: ....is the purpose of our relationship to analyze each other?
me: i dont think so
me: but you seem to be on a track, so go ahead
Datefinder: just checking
Datefinder: ok,
Datefinder: it sounds like
Datefinder: you've found someone
Datefinder: so you do all the normal things people do when they've me someone special
Datefinder: but
Datefinder: your afraid of...a lot of things
Datefinder: ie: your practice of sabotaging relationships
Datefinder: so you heart says yes and your brain says no
Datefinder: your heart glows
Datefinder: and your brain denies it
me: go on
me: i accept all you've said so far
me: do you offer a remedy?
Datefinder: ha, well, its all in your head
Datefinder: think you need to figure out what your afraid of
me: i'm scared of... having someone fall in love with me
Datefinder: why on earth could that be bad?
me: because what if i'm not in love with them?
Datefinder: isn't that the purpose of a relationship?
me: to have it be one sided?
Datefinder: to discover or develop love for each other?
me: i'm tired of hurting people
me: a relationship is doomed when it's one sided
Datefinder: well
Datefinder: they often start that way
me: when one person pours all this affection?
Datefinder: eh, maybe not often
me: i mean... i really like this guy back
Datefinder: yeah thats bad
me: but... my head is just saying that it's moving way too fast, or that it's not serious
me: i'm very weary of giving my heart to anyone
Datefinder: your afraid he likes you more
me: i'm afraid he's in love with me
me: and i'm afraid of loving him back
me: and i'm afraid that he's only kidding about being in love with me
me: so then i go and love him
me: and it's all one big joke
Datefinder: why don't you establish where you (<-plural) stand
Datefinder: “because I think we're both doing that "inventing the other person in your head" thing”
Datefinder: clear things up with him
me: i'm too scared to find out what the answer is
me: i'm scared i might actually like him the same amount
Datefinder: do you want to be single forever?
me: no... but
me: but
me: ...
Datefinder: waiting
me: < nothing comes out >
Datefinder: well then
Datefinder: answer that first
me: no
me: no, i do not want to be single forever
Datefinder: just not yet
me: well... there's nothing i want to do that can't be done with a family
Datefinder: you mean your current family? mom dad sis etc
me: i mean a husband and kids
Datefinder: ok
Datefinder: but
me: there's nothing i want to do that can't be done with them... like, you know how people want to travel the globe... that's hard to do with kids
Datefinder: right
Datefinder: but
me: backpacking is easier with one
Datefinder: there's a lot of things that can't be done without them
Datefinder: and it sounds like you want them
me: kids?
Datefinder: the family thing
me: i didn't, but i'm kinda open to the idea of having his
Datefinder: how romantic
Datefinder: but what about him?
Datefinder: is marriage on your list?
me: mariage in general, or specific with him?
Datefinder: in general
me: yes
me: i like the romantic ideal of marriage
Datefinder: ok,
Datefinder: so
Datefinder: this is gonna sound very familiar,
Datefinder: but
Datefinder: are you ready for it?
me: yes and no
Datefinder: ha, perfect
Datefinder: ....how did I know?
Datefinder: spill it
me: the only reason "no" is because i havent finished my degree
me: barring that, yes, i am ready
Datefinder: lol
me: the degree and the desire to live by myself are the only hurdles
Datefinder: I gave you a nearly identical answer to that same question
Datefinder: and you didn't buy it
Datefinder: I think a little less "tough" and a little more "love" are in order
me: like i said, dr phil
Datefinder: so
Datefinder: after all that
Datefinder: we're in the same boat
Datefinder: life is silly
me: if whoever wants to marry me before i graduate, i'm all for it
me: _I_ don't want to get married until i graduate
Datefinder: _I_ dont' want to get married until I'm out on my own
Datefinder: well
Datefinder: I have to go to fight club
me: k.
me: i'll be here when you get back
Datefinder: I shall return

No comments: