Sunday, July 10, 2005

Mixed Signals Revealed

So, I haven't posted in a while...
Because there's been nothing to post.

I'm worried about my friend Kirsten, cause I saw pics of what the Hurricane is doing to homes down there. I tried calling her three times, but my call woulnd't go through. So... she's on my mind right now.

In other news...

I have a problem. It's not really a problem in that I want it to go away, but I mean, it could develop into someone getting hurt, potentially, and that makes me hesitate.

Basically, I don't give anyone any special treatment. But I've noticed lately, that some of my guy friends have been paying more attention to me, which makes me wonder if they're misinterpreting me.

Don't get me wrong, I LOVE ATTENTION... but... I mean... so long as both parties are clear that nothing will develop. I mean, TBF is setting me straight.

me: is it entirely possible for a guy to think that who i am naturally is meant for him alone?
me: like, who i am... can a guy interpret how i am as "i like him"?
TBF: of course
TBF: guys interpret positive engergy with what they want to believe
me: is that typical with women, or is that a banomaly
TBF: banomaly???
TBF: you're so funny
TBF: there is no banomoly
TBF: women send a whole spectrum of mixed signals
TBF: some women have gotten better at straightening out their signals as they become more mature
TBF: the older single guys (40/50+) report that older women don't play nearly as many games
TBF: or rather
me: they're tired
TBF: they've figured out how to send clear signals
TBF: they either send {((~i want you signals~))}, or they send {((~!not interested!~))}
me: but
me: my "let's be friends" signals get a "more than" mixed in somewhere
TBF: banafsheh
TBF: no offense
TBF: but your {((!let's be friends!))} signals look like {((~i want you signals~))}
me: that's my problem
me: i know
me: this sucks


Basically, TBF says that guys like me because they think I want them.

TBF: banafsheh
TBF: no offense
TBF: but your {((!let's be friends!))} signals look like {((~i want you signals~))}

me: i'm pretty clear i think though, arent i? when i want something?
TBF: when you want something?
TBF: when you try to make an {((~i want you signal~))} ?
TBF: not if you've already convinced everyone that {((~i want you~))} = {((!let's be friends!))}
me: i'm trying to say when i like a person, i like them. i treat all the people i like the same. with love.
me: but when i like ONE person ABOVE all, i tell them that.
TBF: then there is no ambiguity for the ONE person
TBF: but what about everyone you treat the same?
TBF: what must they be wondering?
me: i don't know
me: here's what i dont understand
me: this may be completely a no brainer for other people, normal people, but i dont get this
me: how do you have friends you don't love?
me: when i make friends, i bring them into my inner circle. they become my family. i cook for them, i've even been known to iron their shirts on occasion, i care for them when they're sick, i drive miles out of my way to have a meal with the ones who are out of town and say "hey, I'm in dc, can we hang for a few hours?"
me: are you telling me that people don't do these things for their friends?
TBF: not at all
me: then WHY pray, is it magically different with me?
TBF: its just that all those things are the same things that a guy looks for in a relationship
TBF:
inner circle (closeness)
family(familiarity)
cook for them(shared kitchen)
iron their shirts on occaision(helpfull)
i care for them when they're sick(nurturing)
i drive miles out of my way to have a meal with the ones who are out of town(self sacrificing)
me: don't all girls do that?
TBF: no
TBF: not at all
me: i thought everyone did that
TBF: only if she's paying special attention to the guy
me: OOOOH
me: that's why the guys think it's just for them!
TBF: example
TBF: 9th grade
me: oh lord...
TBF: julie work bakes cookies for seth = julie likes seth
TBF: she didn't bake cookies for everyone in the whole class
TBF: she baked cookies for seth
me: so what do girls do when they're just friends with a guy?
TBF: probably more stuff in groups
me: i do stuff in groups
TBF: in our society 1v1 attention is genrerally bound to be interpreted as interest
TBF: think about what guys are taught
TBF: "How do I know if a girl likes me?"
TBF: "Well son..., does she spend a lot of time with you?, Does she talk to you a lot?, Does she do special things for you? These are the signals that let you know that she is seeking your attention and she likes spending time with you."
TBF: all guys are taught this
TBF: i think there's no way getting around it
TBF: if you spend 1v1 time with a guy there's always a risk that he will start liking you
me: then why don't you invite me to more group stuff
TBF: cause i thought we had a special understanding
me: go on
TBF: that we could be friends without following the typical rules
TBF: everythign we talked about
me: that my signals would be interpreted as friends signals
TBF: exactly
TBF: isn't that what you wanted?
me: yeah
me: i was still wondering
me: cause
TBF: then... we're ... cool right?
me: yeah, we're cool! I just mean
TBF: i was just wondering why you're bringing this all up now
me: i think i was starting to project our understanding on all men
TBF: nope
me: since you're really the only guy i regularly hang out with, i assumed that it was true for all men
TBF: you need a special MOU for each guy if you want to spend 1v1 time with them
me: mou?
TBF: oh sorry govt term
TBF: memorandum of understanding
me: oh

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