fortressing

I spoke with ParkPoliceMan today.

it was most interesting.

Besides all the other frustrating things we said to each other... all the standard one-liners & misinterpretations...

there came a great silence.

I broke it when I asked him,

"Do you think I'm heartless?"

and he responded with "Do you think you're heartless", which I hated, and told him so. That sparked a senseless debate involving his unnecessary opinion that I wouldn't have asked if there wasn't some deeper meaning that reflected how I truly thought about myself, which I coldly retorted with a snipe to the effect of introducing the possibility that the remark was not how I saw myself in the least, but rather an observation of a third party, and I was seeking his opinion as to wether there was a personal trait that I was overlooking and ought to be made aware of, or if it was one person's misguided judgement and instead should be ignored.

To which he replied the wisest thing I've ever heard him say:

"You're not heartless. You're protecting yourself."

I asked him why it was that he should know me better than people who've known me for over ten years, and he replied simply "because I'm older."

I'm quite convinced that age hasn't a thing to do with it. I know people as old as he is if not older who still haven't got a clue about life or other people in it... yet here he is... making accurate observations.

That's why I trust him. Well, one of the reasons.

There's a second part to the story, but as it's rather a non-sequiter and hasn't much to do with this topic at all, I'll leave it until after wednesday night, when I see him again, and will have more to discuss regarding the second topic.