Wednesday, January 02, 2008

ritah's request.

Ritah's told me to update my blog. Here I am.

I've just come off a great weekend. Ten of us rented a cabin in North Carolina for the Gregorian New Year's. Hot tubbing, conversations until dawn and massive bonding sessions ensued. I learned much about people from my trip, and also got a great deal of more respect for one of my new friends.

I have a thing, this severe problem, where I take people to heart. The people I take to heart... I will go to the ends of the earth for them. I will do whatever I can, whatever I've got in my power to help them reach their goals, or remain happy, or attain happiness. If I can end their suffering, I'm happy. If I can make one smile, I've succeeded. If I can take a moment of their pain away, I can live forever.

In short, they have my attention 100%. They are my family. They say that blood is thicker than water, but here, once you're in, you're the water in my blood.

I know, that's totally lame.

As a result of this weekend, I've had a recent addition to my family. Never would have thought this person would be added into my family, but there it is. This person... killed me. They just killed me. I've never met a more beautiful person.

I'm glad I went.

Today I cried for ten minutes. Their reality hit me, the reality of how fine the line is that they've got separating the black from the white, and I just cried. I dunno, maybe I cried for them, who knows. They think in black and white, and I don't. Yet... their life is so much less complicated as a result. I... I envy that in some strange way. I mean, they have their problems too, but they have to be strong, and so they are. It's... "simple."

I wish I had an ounce of the strength this person has.

An ounce.

In short, I rang in the Gregorian New Year's with a bang, and I'm at once excited and disappointed in the New Year.

"B- is Great; 2008" was supposed to be this year's theme, but I suppose "b is great in 2008" will have to do instead.

New Year. New Beginnings. New Countries. New Everything.

As for the past, all I can say is:
I tried. I gave it my all. In the end, it wasn't enough.

In other news, this weekend I argued a Welshman that Gerard Butler is Scottish and WON. I know my Scots. I'm learning I've got a huge thing for them, since all the men I'm into lately seem to be Scottish. Maybe I'll move there. He's also got the type I like... Brown hair, light eyes... Hold on, So has James McAvoy... and Paul McGillion... and David Tennant... Are all Scots built this way? I'm moving! And Billy Boyd... even though he's shorter than the rest. and apparently's got a baby. I dunno about Gerard Butler having a family. James McAvoy is taken.

Gerard Butler was also the Phantom in the recent film version. That made me hurt. I ached. *Sigh.*

I'm SO moving to Scotland.


Maybe that would be too much fun.

What else can I catch you up on? My men love me and I love my men. I talked to a friend of mine today, who was certainly thrilled I'm single again, and suggested we dine together. He's got a project for me, and I just love it when people return my love. He's in my family, and here he is looking out for me. He's got an improv/saturday night live/ group thing going, and he says it's not complete without me. I love him. I have another one who won't let me be industrial with my looks. When I take a hard lens to my looks, and a business approach to myself, he reels me back in and basically won't listen to a word I say unless its, "I love myself, I'm marketable, I'm fabulous."

I love him.

Christmas I read a lady's palm and it was scary because I read she'd had two miscarriages and that she was going to have serious finanial difficulty later in life. Sometimes, I don't like being right.

I also had my fortune read a few days before, and it was HI-larious. Scary, really, cause of what it said. It didn't say anything about the future. It was about the present and the past. About how certain situations I've still got on my mind aren't worth it, and that the World is my Oyster, etc. I can do anything, have anything and anyone I want, it said.

It was scary. Intimidating.

I know this entry is all over the place. One last bit about the hot tub: it was great. The weekend was great and I don't regret a stitch of it. Only, you can't really take pictures in the hot tub cause no one can really see through the steam. I needed that weekend to push out everyone and everything and just... live. I've never tried that before, and lemme tell you, it was nice.

Now, back to my regularly scheduled responsibilities!

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