Tuesday, January 15, 2008

here's the thing.

i like him. he likes me.
neither of us should be liking anyone.
my friends say go for it.
i have no clue what his friends say.
he says he wants to try, and doesn't want this to be a rebound.

I say that's what it would be no matter how you cut it.
My trusted psychic friend says he's telling the truth, though.
I know he cares. I know he does, I just feel like it's premature.
Like give it time. Will you still be flirting with me? Will you still be inviting me over? Will you still be saying the things you say?

I don't mind the flirting. It's healthy and it makes me feel beautiful and wanted. And it's all talk. It's a way to vent and get out frustration without harming yourself. Or the other person.

And then... I catch myself in the cynical femail critical eye way, and think, "you know, he's all talk. I haven't seen one email that's initiated from him, or one phone call, or one text."

Correction: There was a text.

But there's no action that backs up the verbal stuff. And I'm scared of what that action might entail, should it rear itself.

So, as it is now, I have an open invitation to his home.

He says he doesn't want this to be a rebound thing.

I think we need to nip it in the bud and not go any farther with anything than we already have. Right now, it's perfect. No one has done or said anything that they might regret. There are no strings. Just two people who enjoy each other's company holding conversation.

Two people who might get attached if they're not careful.

The fact is, neither of us are free of our pasts at the moment. I'm still not over my ex. I am, and I'm not. I'm over the fact that he's not coming back, and I'm not over the fact that he was such a big part of my life and who I was. So I feel like I have all of this love... like a big ball of love that I'm holding in my hands and it is heavy and I'm looking for a place to put it down.

That's dangerous. Because if I put it down on another person. Wrong person, right person, I'm not ready. I need me time.

He needs "he" time.

Then when that's all said and done, we can try "we" time.

Until then, it better stay all talk.

1 comment:

City Love said...

as pro-date him as i am, i see your perspective. theres no harm in the flirting, the jokes, etc, its fun and not dangerous, and it gives you both time to heal from your respective wounds.
i totally get it now, and it's better that way. i love the ball of love analogy, it's totally true. and even if he is the right person, (he IS! football, b! football!) it's better to give things time. you're a smart girl. oh man, i wish i had your patience and your brains, not to mention your beauty. you amazing babymama of mine. oh, how i love you so.