Today

Had tea w the corgi and a right chat.
Found the bear, who needs alone time atm, which stings but is good cause I've a ton of work to do, and now I can do it w/o distractions. He's a wonderful distraction, and I'd not trade him for anything, but he's a distraction nonetheless and I've simply got to learn to bog myself down & be a big girl and not let him get to me when all I want in the world is to let him get to me.

Fuck.

In other news, I call this bit the "Ode to My Ex:"

::clears throat::

Ode to My Ex

You made me not trust men.
You told me that the only time they say sweet things is when they've got an agenda.
I learned that romance is fake, and a game, where women are played and are not players.

I've since learned that this is because you sought to destroy something beautiful so that I'd not crave a piece of it.

I hope you find the woman who makes you gush, blush and turns you to mush.
'Cause I've found the man.

He pays attention to the little things I say. He acts out on my wants and needs. He's a true romantic at heart. It's not because he has to, but because he wants to.

Now I'm the Queen; the Queen I've always been, and will continue to be, for my reign is not determined by the presence or lack of a King at my side. In his eyes and arms, I am Queen. He oozes the charm you never had, and uses it appropriately, has always opened my chariots and carriages without question, and is a man.

You once told me that you sought to be the man that women would compare their boyfriends to, "he's alright, but he's not like _______"

I smile now, fondly even, because *he* is who you can only wish to be.

I've found the man.

fini.


Now, thing is, can I keep him? Who knows? People come into your life for a reason a season blah blah blah... I owe my ex alot. I was telling the bear earlier in January... I actually owe my ex alot because he got me through a period of my life which I needed to go through. And then he left. So, in some respects, it's like that's what he was there for. And I wouldn't trade that for the world. We may have mixed some signals, and should have stayed friends, close friends, friends with benefits, what have you, but I wouldn't trade my time with him for anything cause I'd be completely different now if not for him and our experience. The bear said that was high praise, and I said he deserved it. He does. He deserves the credit for bringing me out of my funk and basically giving me the relationship therapy I needed to exorcise some rank daemons. I'm eternally greatful for that.

But I love this romance!

b