i got psycho email today.
it was balanced by one of the state's attorneys deciding that I was Jada to her intern's Will and decided to tell the *entire* division that we were getting married.
Not really, but it was bizarre enough to cover for the freakiness I dealt with earlier in the day.
THE BEST THING EVER:
Besu came to visit me at HHRC! That was TOTALLY unexpected, and it made me feel so good... and loved... and I love him right on back. He also told me about a new prospect for him... not really in the relationship department, but he met someone who the mere thought of made his face completely change... his jaw softened and his eyes glazed over. And I thought, "he's totally gone." I'm happy for him! I like seeing his face like that; happy. If not happy... there's another word for it... not amused... when I think of the word, I'll bring it back up. But it's there. And I haven't seen him in forever, (and I won't see him or anyone else *for* forever starting September 05 - Dec 20ish... and yes, I know that "forever" is three months long) and it was SOOOOOOO GOOOOOOD to see him again.
And it hit me that the people that have the most power over my emotions are men. 1: My father, whose power is diminishing and has nearly extinguished... though it remains to be tested, not that I'm running out to buy lithmus paper... 2: Besu, who made my day just by walking into the room 3: We all know who this is. I have no idea why the mere mention of their name drives my stomach into knots, but it does. The end. 4: any crazy person at the moment, who puts me in a situation I feel powerless to react to.
I love my boss, cause he helped me respond to an email situation regarding the #4 earlier in the day, and let me know that I'm not powerless. So I reclaimed a little bit of my composure, and didn't freak out nearly as much as I could have. He also let me know he'd have my back in a heartbeat if the person continued it. Now, to the person's credit, when I shot them down, they backed off. I'm sure I'll never hear about it again. Doubt he'll ask me out again. Thus, there's no issue. The problem I have is when I tell people no and it's not good enough for them. But whatever.
So I'm learning not to let people have power over me.
Going back to Besu, I really, really missed him. What's the saying? Don't know a good thing till it's gone? Well, Bus is good people. PERIOD. And when he's not around, I miss his presence, and his cracked sense of humor. And when I told him I'm glad he came back, he said "I never left," which just about killed me. And I never miss people. If nothing else, I hope we stay in each other's lives for a long, long time. I think that's the thing with him, I know he loves me, and I think he knows I love him right on back, so when we're apart for long, it's cool. And don't get any ideas, people. Good love. God love.
Reflecting on how many men I have in my life... and how all my friends are basically men, you'll be glad to note that I now have a collective of women I associate on a daily basis with. Sure, they're co-workers, but it's a start, and seeing as how there are only four men in the entire Division, I haven't much choice. But we all get along, and that's the important thing. I miss my twin. She called me today & I told her all about the will/jada/20 year old kid thing and she golf clapped that I didn't freeze up.
Working at the counter has changed me. Normally, I'd be like "what?" when faced with this gem from today:
"I think I know you from somewhere"
And I'd try to help the guy figure out where it was that he knew me from. Only I didn't recognize him, so I said "I don't think so... you know me from somewhere?" and he said "yeah, I must have gave you my number and you never called me back."
THIS is his fatal mistake. That pickup line might work at the club, but you picked the wrong peach cobbler baklava today, my friend.
"Now I know it wasn't me. There's no way, sorry."
"Oh yeah," he says, smug, "and how is that?"
and I look him dead in the eye and say, "because I never go out."
BAM. AND WHAT, BAMA??
SAY WHAT AGAIN.
So, to recap, since I know this was all over the board:
1. I missed my best friend, and I'm greatful to the Gods that I saw him today.
2. Speaking of "Gods," today for lunch we were supposed to have Chipotle, and they took our orders at 11:20am, my lunch starts at 11:30 am, and they didn't show up until I prayed, "Dear Hindu God: Please forgive me for killing the cow I am about to eat in my burrito. Dear Mother Earth: Please forgive me for wrenching the lettuce I am about to eat on my burrito. Please let the burrito come. Please." And no sooner than girl co-worker 1 -who needs a name here besides something that sounds like a rolling credit- looked at me like I was crazy, than the girls walked up with our food. WHY I waited until 1:30 to pray I'll never know. Never again.
3. Girls are great to have as friends. They talk about shoes & jewelry, and try to set you up with boys who think you are cute.
4. Don't assume that everyone's a psycho just because they do all the other things psychos do. That's called projection. Give them a chance to prove their psycho all on their own.
5. I love my men.
6. When a 40-something State's Attorney decides to put you out there, it's because she likes you. Go with it. Just don't speak. In the end, she'll look crazy and you'll look fine. Even though you were speaking complex sentences when he had no bowel control. Go with it.
7. My men love me right back.
8. When I look nice, people ask me what happened. WTF? Is that a hint? Do I always look like shit? I wore a skirt one day, and Boyd told me that I'd get married if I wore skirts more often. "We like how you look in that. Wear skirts more." WTF. I told him "so I have to get a guy by wearing skirts and THEN get him to appreciate my brain?" "yes." WTF. No. Appreciate the brain. Screw the skirt. Well... later. What?
9. Don't freeze up when ignorant ass bamas try you. Look 'em dead in the eyes to let them know you're on to their lame game. Step it up, bamas.
10. Love yourself. The weirdest stuff happens when you do.
And yes, 2 & 8 weren't originally in the body of the post in any direct or indirect context and therefore not technically legal under the caption "recap" but that's where I stuck them, so get over it. And don't try to correct me with #4's useage of "their psycho" instead of "they're psycho." Here, "psycho" is being used in place of "psychosis," which makes "they're psychosis" incorrect.
And, for a complete non-sequitor (-er? oh well, whatever):
Yes, I am a border Nazi.