Didn't know there was an "us"

So I had a double shift on saturday (sorry for the 2 day delay in posting this) and in the evening, the rec side had a wedding reception, which means 1 staff member (usually Cole) and 1 Park Police Officer (usually... well, 75-80% chance of it being ParkPoliceMan).

So, Cole & I are smalltalking while I get something for a patron who was my event, and here comes a Park Officer to work Cole's event, who was not ParkPoliceMan... and he's all, bravada, like 10 questions all at once, to the point where I'm abou to get my bag for my license & registration: Oh, so you work the other side (you mean the side whose office you're in now? I should have said that. Didn't.), What do you have going on, Are you new? My name is [I'd call him PPM2, but I don't wanna steal PPM's thunder...] You've never heard of me? I'm a LieutenantI've never met you, you must be new, what's your name?

And Cole jumps in at this point with "That's ParkPoliceMan's woman"

And I just look at Cole like, I cannot believe you just said that and there's this silence while PPM2 (shudder, I *have* to find him a new name... TheLieutenant) sizes me up & says "oh really?" and then attempts to save face & move the subject along & ignore how awkward it suddenly became by following it up with this gem: Oh, you're the reason he spends so much time down here? I'm glad he's got a woman, we all thought he was a little funny"

...

What?

That was wrong on so many accounts... One, I'm not his woman, which I had to keep reiterating, and he's definetly not gay. Definetly. Anyways, I'd say I wasn't his woman, and Cole'd say "naw, all they do is fight, what does that tell you?" And TheLieutenant said "they're made for each other" and I said "I AM NOT PARKPOLICEMAN'S WOMAN!"

I really felt like I'd gone back 100 years as far as women's lib cause here are two guys talking about a relationship that may or may not exist between me and someone else like I'm not even there, completely disregarding what I'm saying.

So then TheLieutenant calls ParkPoliceMan and talks to him about me. Then he calls me to the phone and ParkPoliceMan's all "What did you tell him about us?" and I was like "uh, one, I didn't know there was an us, and two, I said nothing, Cole's the one who's all like I'm your woman" and he says "oh, okay" like it's okay coming from cole and not from me, not that I would have put that out there anyone, Since I AM NO ONE'S WOMAN, which is what I kept saying on Saturday. I BELONG TO NO MAN. Then there was an "okay, ttyl" and we hung up.


READ THAT, INTERNET UNIVERSE? I AM NOT YOURS. I AM NOT HIS. I BELONG TO NO MAN. GET IT THROUGH YOUR SKULLS.

b