Monday, March 08, 2010

The weekend

The weekend was interesting. A lot happened, much was accomplished, and in the end, I'm not really in a different place now than I was on thursday or friday. It's okay, though.

I have no idea what I'm doing. I do know that the best thing for me right now is to just stand still. Don't rush into anything, don't jump into anything. Just take this time to work on myself. I hate being alone, but maybe that's the best thing for me.

Face your deamons, and all that.

This is hard. It's much harder than I ever thought it would be. It's ridiculously difficult, and that's okay. I have Faith that I am on *a* path. If it ends here, that's okay. If it doesn't, that's okay too. Just stay on it and see where it goes.

One day at a time, and each day is different. Some days, I wake up with all the determination in the world. Some days I wake up and daydream that he'll have worked out his situation and will come back, so we can be great again. Then I have to think about how I can't compete with the real love of his life, and then I remember why we're not together.

It's not enough to want me to be with you. You have to want to be with me as well.
There is a subtle yet distinct difference. It's there, and the less balanced the scale is between the two sentences, the more unhappy the two parties are.

The only consolation I have is that I tried. I gave it my every atom, and it wasn't enough to break the spell. I am not the one for him. That SUCKS to have to admit, especially because I wanted to be, and for a brief, shining moment, I felt like I was. Reality said otherwise, however.

It's not me. I have to learn that in my heart and get over him so I can move on. He's not coming back. So I have to stop looking back.

I have to start looking in.


No comments: