Tuesday, July 06, 2010

Free your mind, and the rest will follow

There is so much going on.

For the next several weeks, I only have one day per week (Thursday) where nothing is planned after 3 pm.

I stopped writing, which used to be my way of detoxifying all my stressors, so this is a nice reminder to return to the outlet that helped me the most.

I met my man's family this weekend. That was such a wonderful experience. They are warm and inviting. I wish my family returns the sentiments to him that his gave to me.

My health is in a downward spiral. I say that very lightly. If you know me, then you know that in 2004 or '05 I sustained a head injury that left me paralysed on the left side of my body for quite some time. I've since recovered fine motor skills, but I'll leave out all the stuff you don't need to know. If you didn't know that, consider yourself informed. Moving on, I basically plateaud on the pain and recovery scale, and along with all the insurance beurocracy and ultimate depression that followed, gave up pursuing any sort of further and future full recovery.

Needless to say, recently, a string of physical clues led me to a hospital stay, which led me to a doctor follow up, which led me to multiple scans, mris, contrast flushes, and more stuff I don't want to know about in the medical profession's search to find out what, exactly, is wrong with me.

My friday looks like this:

9 am Drink 24 ox of water over next hour in order to flood bladder. Don't pee.
10 am Ultrasound: Pelvis. Checking ovaries and kidneys for any issue.
1030 am Ultrasound: bilateral legs. Out by 1230 pm.
1 pm Tablet of Visitation for Commemoration of the Martyrdom of the Bab.
330 pm Round 2. Hooray! Mri of the brain, and then MRI of the neck & shoulders.

Round 1 is for my primary care physician. If she can't see anything, she's referring me to a vascular surgeon to figure it out. Round 2 is for my neurologist, who ordered all this stuff a year ago, and because I chose my job over my health, I never went.

That was such a good idea.

Anyways, I'm tired. Science is observation-driven. If it doesn't show up on the bloodtest, or the x-ray, or the mri, or the ultra-sound, it doesn't exist. I understand this scientific method. I respect it. It doesn't help me, and hasn't helped yet, because all my blood tests come back negative, all my mris scan negative, all my flushes come back negative.

Yet I'm still swollen. I still have headaches. At least the swelling is obvious. A doctor can see the evidence of something that doesn't work properly in my body.

In the meanwhile, I am still working two jobs. I am still participating in work stressors. I am also heavily invested in religious activities, and am on two important committees that require attention, time and focused energy. I'm taking book 5, which is to tutor junior youth groups, and that takes time and energy, and a two-day per week committment, which happens to be two important days that I could be making money. That financial sacrifice is certainly on my mind.

In addition to all of this, I somehow managed to direct a musical, and am now considering returning to the stage. Further, there's a project I've wanted to do for a long time and it's just been gnawing and gnawing at me. I think it's time to begin it. When can I?

There's just a lot going on.

I'm trying to keep everything in perspective.

Anyways, that's my little corner of the world,

b

7 comments:

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張雅筑張雅筑 said...

i trust everything will be fine. bless you!..................................................................

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