The most incredulous thing just happened.
Someone told me what to do.
Not in a constructive, "if I was in your situation, I'd..."
Not in response to my asking them for guidance.
Just out of the blue, their opinon of what I should do.
< backstory >
A friend of mine made a comment to me today that I take other people's emotions far too much into consideration to the point where I'm stifling myself when I get frustrated. She suggested that I work on that. She said "You care too much about other people's feelings, that's why they walk over you. We're going to have to work on that. When I get upset about something, I say so. When [boyfriend] pisses me off, I let him know. He might get mad, but that's how I feel. I have to say how I feel."
While I find her method a bit extreme, it still had some validity to it. I do take other people's emotions too much to heart. And I know a number of people who would agree that I let others walk over me. That's part of why I got this blog in the first place, to have an outlet of the frustration that builds from *not* being able to say what I want to [see the very first post].
I just told a friend of mine what she told me about myself, and he responded with "don't listen to her". What a freaking controlling thing to say. I hadn't asked him for his opinion in the matter. I hadn't asked him what he thought. He was one of the people who agreed that I let people walk all over me in the first place. If ANYTHING, he would have been in agreement with her. Again, maybe not to that extreme, but still, what she said has *some* validity. I need to work on not getting walked all over. That includes sticking up for myself. Granted, that includes tact, and diplomacy, but still...
How can you tell me not to listen to someone? And it's not the first time this person has told me not to listen to someone. They told me not to listen to TBF. And I'd already warned them that telling the women in my family what to do does not go down well. We've got a history of dating controlling SOBs who tell us how to run our lives until they're running them themselves, and we just let them cause we dont want to offend them by having our own ideas.
Well, I have my own mind, thank you. I'd like to be trusted enough to use it.
He didnt even ask me what I thought about what she said. He just jumped straight to the conclusion that I'd adopted her words as my new credo, "fuck you, this is how i feel". That's a little too selfish for my taste. He didn't even ask me, "what do you think about what she said?" Had he asked me that, I'd have said "she has a point, but I can't just tell *everyone off*..."
This is all so goddamn ironic.
I'd actually been holding in something HE said to me, that made me feel uncomfortable, trying to figure out how to bring the subject up with tact and diplomacy, since I need to work on that too... and in worrying about it all day today, she picked up on the fact that something was bothering me and said "you worry too much about other people's feelings." That I needed to let it out and let him know how i felt about the potentially touchy subject. And that if he got mad, it's not my fault, because people are entitled to their emotions, even if they're in conflict. BUT then when I saw the opportunity to bring it up tonight, and I did, in my own way, I saw he'd made a decision that made me feel better thus making bringing up the subject completely and risking an argument unneccesary.
So I dropped it. And got to work on forgetting and forgiving.
Then he dropped the "Don't listen to her".
That set me off. Do not tell me who I can and cannot speak or listen to. I'm not in the army and I'm not a pet in obedience school.
Don't give me commands.
Yes, I see the irony in that statement.
Red flag. Red. Flag.